I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
