A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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