what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
