Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
