i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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