Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
A+ Viking dick
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
