I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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