she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
