I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
