i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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