So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
