just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
