Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
