just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
