o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
