I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
