Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
