my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
