So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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