Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
