How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
