summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You ruined the universe
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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