My room smells like vodka and shame
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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