So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
