I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I wish I only lived at night.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
