Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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