it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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