WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Randomize
