ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
