haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
