Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
