They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
