It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
