or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
