I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
