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• (857): View more from Massachusetts

  Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.

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• (631): View more from New York

  she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?

  (516): View more from New York

  nope.

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.

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• (561): View more from Florida

  Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.

  (1-907): View more from Alaska

  That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.

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• (138): View more from

  You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI

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• (214): View more from Texas

  You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore

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