all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
