maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
