Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
