we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
