his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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