I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
MIDGETS
????
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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