i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
