i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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