Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
