Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
