i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
