There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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