well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
