You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
